As we are quickly reaching December 31st, I have been looking back over this year, albeit rather superficially. I feel the need to get the cranky bits out of the way before I can move on to the more meaningful basket o' gratitude.
These are a few of the things I wish I could still do......
put lotion on without getting out of breath
bend down to do something without getting out of breath
walk up the stairs without getting out of breath
put clothes on without getting out of breath
do something, anything, quickly without getting out of breath
take a shower
walk up a hill
take a nice, long walk - without a wheelchair and especially in a snow storm
go out for a whole day to do errands
laugh - a real belly laugh, loud and long
sing a whole song
I must stop this, I'm depressing myself : (
(Note to self - maybe it's time to consider upping the antidepressant!!!!)
But, there is a decent P.S.......
I CAN laugh, a modest little laugh that gets lost in the crowd, but a laugh nonetheless, and it's mine, all mine. I CAN go out to do errands for a few hours as long as I have a car cigarette lighter or outlet to plug in my oxygen. I CAN dance a little if I use just my top half or just my bottom half and dance like a white person. I CAN sing a line of a song, sit out for a line, and sing the next. Believe me, you won't hear anybody complaining that I'm not singing ---- just sayin'!!! I CAN take a nice, long walk if it's pathetically slow around Ikea with my oxygen concentrator in the shopping cart seat. And, there are times, not all that often, when I CAN go for 5 or 10 or maybe even 15 minutes without oxygen and not feel like a guppy that mistakenly jumped out of the fish bowl to escape pesky cat paws.
So, I guess the take home message is that, in the midst of effin' suckass-ness (please excuse my french), there can be some rays of sunshine that feel nice and warm and renewing and hopeful.
So, take that bee-otch!!!!
wishing you all a Very Happy New Year
XOXOXO Fran (aka Towanda)
Oh, and BTW, 2 days ago - cell phone died, car died, and someone tried to hack into my laptop......... wha???????