Random updates...

Just some random updates......

A while ago I reported that, all in 1 day, my cellphone died, my car died, and someone tried to hack into my laptop. The cell phone has been reincarnated into a new body thanks to a loaner from friends Cynthia and Michael. The car has been resurrected, with an occasional cough and wheeze - sympathy lung cancer perhaps (?) considering we have been together for 20 years and, both being middle aged women, are quite simpatico. As for the laptop, from my tech-challenged position, it seems to be working just fine. But, then again, what do I know?

My father did in fact get 2 new hearing aids which he is, thank the lord, wearing. The frequent threats to the life of his hearing aid have ceased completely. I no longer worry that I may have a 95 year old convicted hearing aid murderer for a father. No telling what would happen to that kind of a felon while in the slammer. Major sigh of relief on that score!!

I've had 2 Zometa (osteoporosis medication) infusions. The purpose is to stabilize my bones, especially the area of metastasis in my spine, in order to avoid spinal fractures. So far, I have not had any side effects and, in a weird way, my lower spine feels more solid. Can't exactly specify how, but it does. Yea!!

A comparison of my most recent chest x-ray to the prior chest x-ray shows no difference in tumor sizes. But, my favorite (and only) oncologist, the great Dr. Michel Hoessly, said the x-rays only show the big stuff. He suspects that there is additional improvement. So, before my next appointment, I will have a CT scan of chest and abdomen which will show finer detail and give a truer indication of progress. And, I must say, there are times when I do feel like more lung tissue is actually functional. Yea!!

I also recently had labs done. Tarceva can be hard on the liver and Zometa can be hard on the kidneys. My kidneys are in fine form but one of my liver enzymes is up. Not high enough, according to the nurse practitioner, for worry. I am making some changes though - lower amounts of fat and protein, higher amounts of plant based foods, and enough water per day to almost fill the Atlantic ocean. (BTW, if I don't answer the phone, chances are I'm otherwise occupied, if you catch my drift!) At this point not much scares me -- except liver failure. That's a nasty way to go and patients in liver failure are very difficult to take care of - often the bane of a nurses existence. So, if you'd like to join me in collective finger-crossing, I'd be ever so grateful.

Fran the man continues to be my rock and my solace. I must have done something right n a past life to deserve this wonderful person. As I said to him the other day, marrying him was not only the smartest thing I ever did, but also the wisest. Thank you God for this wonderful man.

And, thank you God and all you wonderful peeps for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

Now, could we just have a nice big snowstorm??!!

The hair, it hath it's own humor

Recently I've noticed several, shall we say interesting, developments.

 It seems that my leg hair has, for all intents and purposes, stopped growing. I shave my legs and two weeks later I barely have stubble. It may be several months before I need a new razor blade. I can only hope that this, and I, last through the summer. [Ah yes, the black humor raises it's ugly, yet delicious, head once again - so sorry but I can't help myself!!!]

I have also noticed that my eyelashes have grown longer and have the cutest little curl to them. I can still hear the clang of the eyelash curler against the side of the trash can. Oh happy day!! And mascara, my cohort, my leige, my friend, my lover, always begging to adorn the sweetly feminine curtain that sits atop my eyelids. We can't get enough of each other, may we never be parted.

Oh, such a perfect specimen of shear femininity I have become, between the silky smoothness of my legs (post uber slathering of nuclear strength creamy lotion, of course) and the princess-ly quality of my eyelashes.....

And yet, what is this I spy? Could it be? Oh, please, show me not these long, coarse eyebrow hairs, so unbefitting a maiden of such fair countenance (or at least hairless legs and long, curly eyelashes). These eyebrows do mar the portrait of this fair maiden in their manliness and suggestion of excess testosterone. What conclusion is to be made from such a collection of features as this? Yea, who doest tread these lonely halls, is it a man of womanly features or a woman of manly features?

Oh, despair, it is neither (pronounced n-eye-ther).

It's just some chick who's on Tarceva.

P.S. We've been dining on a succulent banquet of the series 'The Tudors' - can you tell?!!!

I love me some short hair......

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty..........

Ahhh, the unparalleled beauty of bedhead........... Could it get any better than this? I think not!!!

Happy New Year????

Warning - the following may contain frank discussion of topics that may be uncomfortable for some.......

So, it's new years day today.

I have to say, it's a bit strange, freaky, funky, uncomfortable, and/or bizarre to welcome a new year that, statistically speaking, cold easily be, if not my last, close to my last. It's a feeling that has been haunting me for the last few days and has me in, dare I say it, a death grip. (sorry couldn't resist.....some of us cancer patients develop a very dark sense of humor and find ourselves quite hilarious) And, when people make a comment like "2012 has to be better than 2011", all I can think is, "not very likely".

Recently, I was looking through the information from Social Security Disability and saw that the health status of each case is periodically reviewed for purposes of stopping or continuing payments. Some cases are reviewed every 6 months, some every year or so, some every few years, and mine in 5 to 7 years. Apparently, cases that are reviewed every 5 to 7 years are those cases where "improvement is unlikely". So, there it is, in black and white.

This isn't new information to me but, for some reason, the impact was somehow greater. Maybe the combination of the new year and seeing my prognosis in impersonal rhetoric was like a double whammy. It's not that I'm afraid to die or that I fear the unknown. Maybe it's that I can speculate just a little too knowingly what the journey from here to there is likely to be. I think I'm getting a little too ahead of myself, or a little too in my head. There is always that slim possibility that I could be a statistical anomaly - especially considering that I am a mutant!!!

It may be time to crawl into the cave for a little while to do some mental/spiritual processing and centering since I'm feeling 'brown' right now. Let me explain. Remember finger painting when you were little? Remember adding each color and how beautiful your painting was? Remember adding that last color and suddenly the whole painting turned brown? Well, that's how it is - lots of different feelings all jumbled up together in a mess of brown. I need some time to tease the feelings apart and get a better handle on it, whatever it may be. 'Maybe-dying' ( as in I'm probably going to die in the near-ish future but I can't say for sure) isn't easy, but it's the maybe part, not the dying part, that causes the difficulty. I'll let you all know the outcome of my 'cave time'. 

Anyway, on a lighter note........ Happy New Year all, let's hope it's kick ass in all possible ways!!!! Thanks for all the support  ; )